Starting college can be very overwhelming. It’s such an exciting yet scary transition. I’m currently a college freshman whose decided to stay in my relationship from high school.

Starting college can be very overwhelming. It’s such an exciting yet scary transition. I’m currently a college freshman whose decided to stay in my relationship from high school.

My boyfriend went to a school in-state, back home, so when I visit, I get to see him every time. Ever since I left for college a few months ago, I’ve noticed that long distance relationships don’t have to be like the ones (negatively) portrayed on TV and in movies. It’s not for everyone, but maintaining a long distance relationship doesn’t have to be hard work.

Going into this experience, many people told me that long distance is hard work. I met Ryan 11 months ago, and despite never having pictured myself doing long distance before, when we reached the end of the summer, I couldn’t imagine not at least giving it a shot.

Cousins and older friends who stayed with their high school sweethearts in college warned me that I would need to put in lots of work to make it possible, but as of now, I haven’t ever looked at this relationship as a chore or something I need to ‘tend’ to. I’m excited to talk to him, and he’s an extra support system during this tricky life and academic transition.

Here’s some stuff I’ve learned about long distance relationships:

Spontaneous Facetimes Are the Way to Go

Everyone I talked to about long distance had one similar complaint: missing scheduled video calls. Ryan and I talked about this and decided that a scheduled time wouldn’t work well for either of us, so we settled on just sending a text when we felt like talking and seeing if the other was available. Going in, I thought it would be way more difficult to find common times, but we’ve talked almost every other day since I’ve been here, and when we do it, it has never felt like an obligation.

Surprises are always fun

I love nothing more than waking up to a morning meme from Ryan. Spontaneous love texts and ‘little things’ to let your partner know you’re thinking of them will light up anyone’s day. The communication aspect of an LDR is key, but again, shouldn’t feel like a chore. Big surprises every now and then are very exciting as well. I’m working on a care package to send out there filled with Ryan’s favorite candy, a letter, and lots of little goodies.

Avoid daydreaming too much about the future

The hardest part of a long distance relationship is to not get wrapped up in the future, as this type of relationship is quite the commitment to another person. I went home to visit about halfway through the semester last weekend, and got a bit scared and wrapped up in thinking about the future when in reality, all anyone has is right now. Of course, I do see a future with Ryan, but I try to only fantasize about it and not begin planning my whole life out, because it can get very overwhelming. After talking to several happily married people about their paths to meeting and uniting, I have come to the realization that there is no one right path to meeting “the one.” (My parents, for example, met in their 30s.) All I can do is take things as they come.

It’s OK to NOT do long-distance

Long distance isn’t for everyone, or every couple, and that’s totally alright. If you want to take a crack at it to test the waters, go for it! But if you want to wrap things up before you leave, that’s also totally valid. A close girlfriend of mine decided that long distance wasn’t something that would work for her as she began college. The break-up has been hard, but she’s grateful that she ended the romantic part of their relationship because now she has more time to focus on her already busy schedule. There are lots of approaches to morphing the ‘relationship’ into a friendship before school begins—I prefer not to say “breaking up” because in the case of leaving for school, it’s an external force acting on your relationship. Some couples I know shifted this at the beginning of the summer so they could get used to just being friends. Some gave it a couple of weeks before school, and some waited until they got on the plane to say it was over. All approaches have merit, and it’s all about what is best for each couple.

Overall, I am loving our decision to try long distance. If you’re unsure about if it’s right for you, talk to someone who has tried long distance! Support is all around, but the biggest supporter in a long distance relationship should be your partner.