HowTherapy Can Improve and Even Save Lives 
 
By Valerie Mulder

Have you ever felt down? Worried? Hurt? Unmotivated? Of course you have — we all have, after all, it’s been quite a year, especially with social distancing.

But do you feel this way more often than you feel at ease or happy? If these feelings persist, you might be showing symptoms of depression or anxiety disorder. But, good new -- therapists are here to help you learn how to process your emotions, adjust your reactions, and build your own happiness even when times are tough. Let’s talk about talking about it.

Triggers

Mental health issues like depression and anxiety are often set on by genetics, hormones, and stress. With puberty already rocking your emotional boat, difficult situations can start to make you feel like you’re sinking. 

Among teens, some of the most common stressors are being bullied, going to a new school, experiencing challenging relationships, questioning one’s sexual orientation or gender, or having an unstable home life. While, unfortunately, therapy is no magic trick that can solve all of our problems, it can teach us to cope with emotions, adjust our perspective, and create behavioral patterns that benefit us most. 

Teen Years Are About Self Esteem 

Family therapist Dr. Kristen Arquette of Bellevue, Washington, explains why therapy can not only relieve your symptoms, but also prevent them from getting worse: “The older you get, the likelier you are to struggle with depression and anxiety, and when it’s not being treated, people tend to try to manage the symptoms in ways that make the problem worse.”  
 
Substance abuse is a big example of that, avoidance is another one. The problem is: the more people avoid their fears, the more behind they can get. “The teen years are really a time of building skills and self-esteem. Teens that are spending a lot of their time alone in their room or on social media are going to be really challenged to develop in the ways that they need to to feel good about themselves.”

Although a lot of people associate therapy with lying on a couch, crying, that isn’t the case. It’s your session, you can cry if you want to, but there is so much more to it than that. It’s discussions with your therapist, it’s setting goals and striving to achieve them, it’s practicing new skills, and most importantly: it’s finding your own personal growth. And although you may not see the desired results as quickly as you might like, with time, you’ll realize how far you’ve come. 

“In order for there to be meaningful change that occurs — whether that’s changes in the emotions you’re feeling or your ability to manage those emotions — you have to be willing to do more than just starting treatment,” says Dr. Arquette. “You also have to adhere to the plan so you and your therapist can work on your goals and so when you are wondering about your progress, they will be able to take you back to those goals. By checking in regularly and getting data from you from home (there are even apps for this now!), you can both see how behaviors are changing.”

Help Can Be Temporary

Another common misconception about therapy that we’d like to set straight is that it is forever. Depression and anxiety are usually not chronic — they can be cured or at least eventually managed by oneself. In fact, Dr. Arquette doesn’t want to keep her patients in therapy any longer than is necessary. “The sooner teens can get back to focusing on sports, hobbies, and friends, the better.” Remember, there is nothing wrong with you, and you definitely aren’t doomed for the rest of your life. You’re just in a tough spot and could use a little help for a while in order to get back on your feet.

But what will people say? Sadly, there is still quite a lot of stigma (or negative perception) revolving mental health care. However, if you see any kind of doctor, including a psychologist, you’ll be protected by what’s called doctor-patient privilege or confidentiality. Unless you are in danger or hurting someone else, what happens in therapy stays in therapy. 

Everyone's Doing It

Additionally, the conversation around mental health keeps improving with time on a national level, as people are talking more openly about what they’re going through and how therapy benefits them. 

“We want to reinforce that getting help is something to be proud of,” Dr. Arquette says. “Even though it can be hard work, the experience will be worth it when you feel better about yourself and your life, and when you are confident you have the skills you need to deal with issues related to growing up. People go to therapists for the same reason they go to other doctors: to feel better.

If you do feel safe, though, it can be a big relief to talk to friends about your feelings with friends or family members. They might be struggling just like you, and by creating an open dialogue about mental health, we can slowly get rid of that tired old stigma. You may even save a life, whether it’s someone else’s or your own.

How To Find A Therapist

It’s important to “shop around” for a counselor who is the right fit for you. If you feel safe asking a parent for help, ask them to find three therapists in your area that are within your insurance network and talk to each of them.  
 
If you do not have insurance, some counseling centers will work with you on a sliding scale, meaning they adjust the fee to the family’s income. Or, if you are really interested in therapy but are afraid your parents won’t allow it, a school counselor or a member of a non-profit organization may be able to help you seek a therapist independently, depending on the age requirements in your state.  
 
And, in case of an emergency, there are many free, confidential hotlines you can call. For example, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is available 24/7 at 1-800-622-4357. Give them a ring if you need to talk to somebody immediately or if you’re having trouble finding the care you need.

Remember, you are not alone in this. People all around face similar struggles. People understand how you feel. People can help you. Even if you feel hopeless, try to find somebody to talk to. You can feel good again. All you need to do is reach out.